this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
