Banned from zoo.
Again?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize