Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
