fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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