So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
