textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
