Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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