help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
