Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
false alarm. still invincible.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
