So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
