I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
