glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
