Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
