Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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