i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize