I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my being single is dangerous.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
