Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
