I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
