omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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