Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
