Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
