If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
