I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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