Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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