I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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