the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
