It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
