But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so that wasnt chicken after all
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
