she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
