I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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