Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
