One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
