I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
