Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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