You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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