he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize