His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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