If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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