its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
