I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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