All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
