Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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