I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
