It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
