um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize