I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
