Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
