I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
