I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Even my vagina gasped.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
