When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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