apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
