I wish you could order shots online.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
