so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
