I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
