We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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