i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
