it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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