in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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