the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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