You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
