I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize