I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize