If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
