I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
