Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
