there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
