idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
