He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
