i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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