When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
