Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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