just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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