My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
