I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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