It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
