69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
