Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
